For the month of December, I’m participating in Reverb12, responding to prompts reflecting on my year. If you’d like to participate, visit Daily Angst.
Prompt for December 9th: The Plank: It has been said that you must learn to take care of yourself before you can be effective at taking care of others. How did you take care of yourself in 2012? How will you take care of yourself in 2013?
Taking care of myself is always difficult for me. So much of my energy is directed toward my work, my husband, and especially my boys. I tended to put myself last. This fall, though, I told my husband that I need time for myself every week. Time that’s not taken up by work, grocery shopping, etc. I wanted time for ME. So, I decided that on Saturday mornings, I would go to Weight Watchers, and then do something for myself. Recently, that time was spent taking yoga classes. Now that they are finished, I have to find something else. But I will continue to do that in 2013. Having those few hours to do whatever I want helps so much.
10. Prompt for December 10th: Scars: They leave marks, and sometimes you can only take what you can carry. What will you, by choice or by chance, carry into 2013?
Honestly, I don’t know. I’m trying to just let some things go. I’m tired of carrying around my past, and my wounds.
This Buddy Wakefield quote has been floating around my mind for the past few weeks:
“If you think being dysfuncted and damaged, strapped to your baggage, dirty, ruined and hurt like critical, cynical, scathing, if you’re lost or have come up missing, scarred and scared (or pretending you aren’t), when you think that’s all you’ve got, it’s not. The sadness you wear around like a trophy is intriguing at most, but it’s miserable, and about as original as a frat boy with a visor cap. So step up.” — Buddy Wakefield, “Moving Forward”
I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore, using my past and things that still hurt as an excuse. It’s not productive. I want to grow and learn, and be happy. I don’t want to wallow. It drives me nuts when people hide behind that shit, and use it as an excuse to not change or grow. I hate when people use the excuse “I’m broken.” Bullshit. We all have experiences that change us, hurt us, make us want to crawl into the fetal position and stay there forever. But if we let that control us, we might as well lay down and die. Because if you live in that shadow of hurt and the past, you’re not really living. And shouldn’t we want to live for a living?
If you’re participating in Reverb12, please leave a link below. I’d love to read your responses!