I’ve thought about writing here more often, but when I sit down to write, the same thing comes out every time, and I’m sure it’s nothing folks want to read. But, then, I’ve always said that folks should write for themselves, and if the audience doesn’t like it, tough.
I’m due in less than a month. According to magazines, articles, blogs, etc., I should be nesting and excited. The nursery should be done, names should be picked out, and I should be all smiles.
I’m not. I’m nesting a little, and we’re prepared for the baby, but I’m not all smiles. I’m full of heartburn to the point where I wake up (when I can sleep) with a mouthful of acid. It’s hard for me to walk for any decent distance. When I get up from a sitting position, my hips are so jacked up that I have to just breathe for a minute before trying to move. My maternity clothes are getting tight. My wedding band is so tight that I need to stop wearing it. My boobs, which were huge to begin with, are busting out of my bras. I have to pee every 15 minutes. My emotions are all over the place — I can go from hysterical tears to laughter in a nanosecond. My moods are the same way, and I have no idea how my husband and Kid put up with me, let alone continue to love me.
In other words, I’m ready for this baby to arrive. As I’ve written before, I am more terrified than excited about it, but I know that we’ll be fine. I think it’s just not knowing how things are going to be (aside from the knowledge that things are changing in a HUGE way) that makes me uneasy. I’m ready for the next phase of my life to begin.
In my last post, I wrote about my frustration and depression, and I want to thank everyone who reached out to me. I did speak to my doctor about it soon after that. She said that I could begin taking meds now, but I decided to wait until after the baby is born to see if I really need them. I have been working every day to stay positive, and to push the frustration or negative thoughts away. And, honestly, it’s getting easier. I still have my moments, but they’re not as bad, and they don’t last as long. I can deal with it for another month.
My main concern is how I’ll feel after the baby is born. I’ve promised myself and Hubs that if I start to feel depressed/angry/whatever that I will reach out to my Dr and revisit going back on meds.
I also need to get better at asking for help and telling people what I need. After The Kid was born, I tried to be Super Woman and do everything on my own, but that led to my getting very frustrated all of the time. This time, I will be honest with people, and I will make sure that I have some time completely to myself every day, even if it’s just a 1/2 hour bubble bath with a book. Once I’m ready, I’ll return to Weight Watchers and exercise, which I know will also help me stay in control and feel better.
So, I guess I’m just in a holding pattern right now. And I will definitely try to be more present here.