Sorry I haven’t been writing much lately. I’m having a tough time. I shouldn’t be. But I am.
See, a month ago, I was getting my mojo back. I was exercising, tracking my food, getting ready for the holidays, and I had a job offer (PT, but a great gig) from a college I’ve wanted to work at for years. As I was trying to figure out my schedule and how this new job would work with my other ones, and my life as a mom, a little voice said, “take a test.” No, not a test to see if I had the right career, or what I should do to optimize my time. A pregnancy test. Now, this made no sense because I felt fine, my period was due the next day, and I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. But once I heard that voice, I had to take a test.
It was positive.
I immediately burst into tears (happy and freaked out), and called The Hubs. I should’ve waited until he was home from work, but I had to tell him. And my sister and my family. They were all cautiously excited, but nervous because of my issues with diverticulitis.
You see, if I have a serious attack that includes a perforation, bad things could happen. Things that I don’t want to think about right now.
So, I’ve spent the past month getting used to being pregnant again. I had to put my weight loss on hold, which completely depressed me. I know it’s for a good reason, but it’s so hard to sit back while everyone else is moving forward. I know that Weight Watchers will be there for me after I’ve had the baby. I know that I can continue to eat healthy and exercise while I’m pregnant. It’s important for me to do so for the baby and my guts. But I’m so used to tracking and thinking in weight loss mode that I’ve had to abandon tracking altogether and just…well, wing it. Which works sometimes, and other times, it doesn’t.
The Kid is almost 2 years old, and I know that a sibling will be good for him, but I’m worried about how the family dynamics will change. I’m worried about how I’ll juggle two kids, when sometimes I can’t even handle one. I worry about my marriage; The Hubs and I barely have any time to focus on us, we’re so involved with work and The Kid.
It sounds like I’m complaining, doesn’t it? I don’t mean to. I really am excited (and terrified). It just threw me for a loop. I have to adjust my plans for this entire year. I wanted to focus on losing weight, running, and getting healthy, not gaining back the weight I lost. But everything happens for a reason, and I’m sure there’s a reason why The Powers That Be decided that it was time for me to have a second child.
I was going to wait until after my first ultrasound tomorrow, but I don’t want to wait anymore. I’ve been avoiding blogging and tweeting because I was afraid I’d spill the beans.
So, that’s where I’ve been! I promise I won’t be so silent anymore.