I adore Taylor Swift. I blame my inner teenager, who thrives on angst. I secretly hope that Taylor Lautner listens to “Back to December” (which, seriously, I think she wrote for me because it totally could have applied to one part of my life) and calls Swifty (my nickname for her) and takes her back. Because they’re cute together.
Anyway. After work today, I was listening to Swifty (and, of course, singing along as fabulously as I could), and I realized that she wrote a song for me. Not about me (because I haven’t wronged her yet), but on my behalf. “Mean” is what I wish I could say to some people.
You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I’m nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I’m wounded
You, pickin’ on the weaker man
Well, you can take me down with just one single blow
Now, I’m loathe to admit it, but in the past, I was easily intimidated. Everyone was smarter, prettier, more athletic, and more awesome than I was. And there were people who let me know that. They put me down for wearing the wrong clothes, joining the wrong clubs, liking the wrong music, anything they could think of. And I took it. I agreed with them. Really. I allowed them to define me.
As I got older, I became a little more confident, but only in certain areas. If it was related to my field (literature and writing), I was confident (with a couple of exceptions) and stood my ground. But in many other areas, I allowed myself to hide and slink away without ever challenging myself. I was afraid of other people’s judgement of me. So I didn’t try anything new.
Honestly, when I think about it, I was the one who was the most mean to me. How could I expect other people to believe in me when I didn’t believe in myself? How could I expect other people to see my awesomeness when I wanted to hide?
In the past year, I’ve started to really accept who I am. And love who I am. With that has come confidence. I know that I’m not perfect by any means, but I’m no longer apologizing for who I am. I’m not hiding anymore (unless it is for hide & seek purposes). I’m not going to let anyone else define me. I don’t care if people don’t like how I dress, or my hair, or what I think, or what I do. They don’t matter. And, in the grand scheme of things, if they aren’t going to like me, I don’t want them in my life anyway.
All I expect of myself is to be true of heart. It started when I saw Buddy Wakefield. I’m not going to sit back and be silent anymore. I’m going to stand up for what I believe in no matter the cost.
I won’t allow anyone to steal my shine.
How do you deal with people who intimidate you or make you feel horrible about yourself?
And enjoy some Swifty.