So, my pal Colleen posted something today that resonated with me. Please go over and read her post (I’ll wait).
Finished? OK. *Deep Breath*
I’ve been struggling lately with the whole weight loss thing. I haven’t made any progress on the scale since, oh, May. I exercised all summer, half-assed Weight Watchers (seriously, I could not get enough food this summer), and I pretty much maintained, which is…ok. Lately, all of that combined with my diverticulitis woes just made me want to give up. I don’t want to do that, so I decided to switch to counting calories instead (which I do still plan on writing about), which I’ve been doing for the past week.
Anyway, Colleen’s post about feeling like giving up made me sad at first. She’s an amazing friend, and such an inspiration to me. But after my initial shock (and a frantic text to her telling her that she cannot give up under any circumstances), I realized that I know she won’t give up. And that beating ourselves up over “poor” food choices isn’t about the food at all. It’s about us, and what we’re afraid of. I hopped onto her blog tonight, and left this comment:
“First of all, I honestly do not think you have it in you to quit. Seriously. (Oh, that’s not a joke that I used it. It means I’m being serious). Do I think it’s possible for you to have a day, or even a week when you don’t track or exercise? Sure thing. But you have come too far physically and emotionally to give up for good. I know that, and I think that’s why I don’t worry so much when I read a post like this from you.
Every day is a gift. Every day is part of your journey. Sure, you may go “off track” with eating, skip a workout, or whatever, but you’re still progressing toward your goal. Even just having a day when you learn something about yourself is movement toward your goal.
Like I said to you, we can’t demonize food (except for Nutella). It’s food. It’s all fuel. Some are better for our bodies than others. I really believe that it’s not the food that we have angst about when we “stray” from our chosen plan. What’s truly going on is that we’re afraid that we’re going to go back to being the “before” girl. The one who didn’t care about portions, healthy food, and didn’t track anything. She didn’t care about exercise, and only thought about running in the context of being chased, and her life would have to be threatened in order to really run. She didn’t love herself, or accept herself.
You will never be that girl again. Never. Because you’ve been on this journey, and you’ve changed.
I don’t have to point out how blessed you are in your life. I don’t have to point out that for the first time in a long time, you are starting to realize and ACCEPT how awesome you are. You know that you’ve fallen in love with your collarbones, or the way your ass doesn’t jiggle as much when you run. You know that you love having the energy for your family and yourself. You know that you love feeling powerful and in control. So I don’t need to point out any of that stuff. Right? “
As I submitted the comment, I realized that I could just as easily be writing about myself (because, let’s face it, it is all about ME).
I’m not really mad at myself for eating cheesecake (which, honestly, was DELISH). I’m afraid that I will give up and not care about myself again. But I know that can’t happen. I’m not the same girl I was when I began this journey last October. I’m more confident, and more in love with myself (seriously, I’m pretty rad).
When I’m feeling low and not-so-confident, I listen to “Tiger” by Paula Cole (whom I met at Lilith Fair, and she was so sweet to my shy, adoring self). I can’t find a decent recording of it on the YouTubes, so please take 4:18 and go to her site to listen. She even has the lyrics posted. The song is my anthem. Go listen.