I was hoping to write something profound for my 100th post here*, but nothing has come to me.
Today marks the day of my first official day as a part-time teacher (aka adjunct) at my new college. I’m still teaching two courses at my old one, but due to a variety of reasons, I needed to broaden my horizons. I have orientation tonight, workshops on Friday, and classes start on Monday. I’m excited and terrified at the same time.
I’ve been knee-deep in syllabi writing, and grading (for my summer class), and my brain is starting to scatter already. This makes me nervous because I haven’t even started classes yet. Juggling motherhood and work does not come easy for me.
Because of the scatter-ness (see? I can’t even come up with real words) of my brain, my 100th post will be bullet points of what’s on my mind.
- The Amish. When I asked for topic ideas, many folks brought up my love for the Amish. Over the past 10 years or so, the desire to live simply has appealed more and more to me. Now, I’m not necessarily a religious person, so that aspect of the Amish doesn’t quite jive with me, but I love the idea of simple living. Which, I know, you can do without being Amish. I think it’s that they continue to do things their way despite the modernization that surrounds them. When I go to Amish country, I’m saddened by the black buggies that have to compete with the zooming SUV’s around them. I hate that people ignore their request to not photograph them and treat them like zoo animals there for their entertainment. Anyway, it’s no secret that I would love to be a farmer and live simply off of my land.
- My Digestive System. I see my Dr. tomorrow for a follow up, and I’m nervous. I feel ok, but knowing that the next time I have a diverticulitis attack means surgery has made me afraid to eat or exercise. I’ve been eating, but with every bite I swallow, I wonder if that’s the piece of food that will lodge in a hole. I’ll talk to him tomorrow about getting back to walking/running, but even if I get the all-clear, I’ll still be nervous.
- Writing. I used to consider myself a writer. A poet. I’d fill notebooks with poems, write whenever I had a spare moment, and wake up in the middle of the night to scrawl words onto a notebook on my nightstand. I’ve gotten away from that over the past few years, and I’m not sure why. I work with writers. They ask me all the time if I’ve written anything new, and encourage me to submit my work and apply to an MFA program. In my old age, though, I believe less and less in myself. I allow work, motherhood, and life to come before my writing. As it should right now. I think. Lately, though, I’ve been writing more often, and some of it has been pretty damn good. I’m going to carve out some writing time daily, even if it’s 15 minutes. We’ll see what happens.
- Fearless Me. I recorded a vlog about this over the weekend, but I’m not happy with it. I was having a day when I felt very…well, ME. Confident, sure, and, most important of all, present. I’ve been having more and more of those days lately. I’ve been working toward being fearless. I’ve been so afraid of everything my entire life, and I don’t want to be that way anymore. I’m tired of holding back what I think/feel because of fear. So I won’t anymore.
So, that’s what’s on my mind (that I can write about, anyway). Sorry it wasn’t a super-exciting 100th post. Maybe the excitement will come with 101.
I’ll leave you with a song. I’ve been in the mood to make old-school mixed tapes lately. Since I can’t, I’ll do this. I hit random on the ‘pod, and this is the first song that came up. One of my favorites.
*I have way more than 100 blog posts in my lifetime, but a good chunk of them are on the LiveJournal blog I used to use.