Apparently, I hit a nerve with some folks on my last post. Several people messaged me, concerned that I was pining away after another fellow, and unhappy with my marriage.
Let me assure you, I’m happy. Honestly! I love The Hubs and The Kid. I am not NOT considering leaving them. Even if Jason Bateman (or Tony Stewart) wanted me to run away with him, I’d politely decline. OK, maybe I’d sneak a smooch in with him because I think he’s adorable (The Hubs and I have certain celebrities we’re allowed to stray with if we ever have the chance), but I’d still stay with my family.
Listen. The past 17 months have been full of big changes for me, starting with the birth of The Kid. I went from being an independent gal, focused on her career and all things domestic, to a woman who had to balance those things with being a mother. Yes, I wanted to be a mother, but I didn’t realize how challenging it would be! My entire life was consumed by my son, and there were times (mostly at 3am, my witching hour) when I thought to myself, “Holy crap. Is this really what I wanted?” Or I’d have moments of doubt and wonder if I was really meant to be a mother.
Also, as a writer (if I can even call myself that anymore), I’ve always been fascinated by life, examining choices people made and how a different choice could have led them down a different path. I’m hyper-aware of the “big moments” in my life, and how one seemingly tiny incident changed everything.
Last week, I turned 36 and had a health crisis (diverticulitis). I felt OLD. And I started to reflect on my life.
I also watched Peggy Sue Got Married, which contributed to considering what would happen if I could go back and do things differently. In the end, she still ended up with Charlie because that’s where she was meant to be. Just as even if I could change any decision I made, I’m 99.9% sure I’d end up with The Hubs. From the time I met him, everything always led back to him.
Just because I wondered what my life would have been like if I’d been honest with The Other Dude and told him that I liked him does not mean that I want to be with him right now. That was 16 years ago, and we are completely different people now. We’ve both moved on. I had my chance(s) to be with him, and it didn’t work out, for whatever reason. And I have to think that’s for the best for both of us.
So, don’t worry. All is well here in the Pilgrim household.
I’ll leave you with a song that I may have posted before. But it makes me think of The Hubs and how blessed I am.