Needing Help and Feeling Guilty

Yesterday was not a good day.  Not at all.

It’s nearly impossible to sleep in a hospital, especially when your room is right next to the nurse’s desk.  So, even though everyone kept telling me to rest, I wasn’t able to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time.  By noon yesterday, I was a mess.

I miss The Kid very, very much.  He’s in great care with my mom and sister (while The Hubs is at work), and I know that I have nothing to worry about.  But I miss him.

I hate asking for help.  I hate needing help.  So along with missing The Kid, I felt…uncomfortable, and almost embarrassed, that I needed help.

Most of all, I felt guilty.  I felt guilty for getting sick, for sitting in bed all day, for not being able to do anything for anyone aside from myself.

So, at noon yesterday, I pushed the call button for the nurse.  She came, and I immediately started to sob and beg to go home.  It was rather pathetic, and kind of embarrassing, but the nurse was very kind.  She said she’d call the doctor to discuss it.  In the meantime, my mom and sister arrived with The Kid and my niece and nephew.  The Kid was a little nervous at first, but soon climbed up on my bed to cuddle.  And that, my friends, was incredibly healing.

They moved me to a private room, which was very kind.  Now I don’t have to worry about crying or getting sick in front of anyone.  When the doctor came to see me, and explained the severity of my condition (basically, I could die if I don’t heal correctly), I told him I’d stay and do whatever I need to do to get better.

Which means that I have to sit here in this bed, and allow the people I love to take care of me.  I need to accept that my job right now is to heal.

Why is it so difficult to ask for, and accept help when we really need it?

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About JessieB

Just a 30-something girl trying to figure it all out. I write about weight loss, books, motherhood, life, and whatever is on my mind.
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6 Responses to Needing Help and Feeling Guilty

  1. Laura says:

    Alright, first – you didn’t get sick on purpose. It’s not like you KNEW that you were going to get sick by doing the 30 day shred. So you can’t feel guilty about that. You were trying to improve your health and unfortunately your body didn’t respond in the best manner. Being guilty about getting sick is not allowed!! 🙂

    Second, I think it’s really hard to ask for help because it implies that you are weak. You can’t do something on your own, so you must be a weak and bad person. Not true at all! The simple fact is humans need help at certain phases in our life. Do you think The Kid would feel guilty (if he knew that emotion) that he’s dependent on you? Needing help is natural and the last person to hate helping someone is a nurse in a hospital. Lady, that’s their job! That’s a profession that they chose and they choose every day to stay in, helping people when they are at their worst.

    I know it’s rough to be there, but you just need to take it for what it is – you’re sick, and wait out the period. No guilting yourself, no drama – just relax and try to get better. The stress of being guilty is only making it harder for your system to repair the injury, thus leaving you there in the hospital longer (possibly). You have your computer and I hope you have some books or your nook, so relax and work and read and enjoy having someone else wait on you hands and foot 🙂

    • Thank you, Laura! I’m taking it one breath at at time, and allowing my body to heal. I know that if I don’t, I’ll need surgery (either a colostomy or a colon resection), and I don’t want that. I really need to focus on my health and diet once I’m out of here.

      I did manage to get some reading done yesterday, which was nice. 🙂

  2. anna says:

    Goodness, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. What an awful feeling.

    Remember what they always say when you’re pregnant. They say that mom needs to be healthy for baby to be healthy. That is a rule of life. You have to care for yourself and your health in order to be a great parent. Your son will enjoy time with your mom and sister and their relationship will be stronger because of the time they are spending together. No one will suffer.

    I also hate asking for help. I’m constantly worried that I’ll be an imposition. But generally speaking, people love to help other people.

    Please if I can help you in any way, let me know!

    Take care of yourself and feel better soon.

    xoxo

    • Thanks, Anna! I know that The Kid is in great hands, and honestly, he’s having a great time with them. I know that I need to heal so that I can be a great mom, and I’m doing my best to relax and let that happen. But it’s so odd to go from caregiver to the one who needs care.

  3. abradypus says:

    You aren’t imposing on others. You are allowing them to feel good about themselves by being able to help you. It is only an imposition if you take it for granted. Get well soon.

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