First, let me apologize for not posting more often. Even though it’s summer, and I’m off (aside from teaching one summer class), I just don’t get much computer time because of The Kid. Most of my online access is via my phone, and I’m just not into phone blogging.
I was a bit restless late this afternoon, so I took The Kid to the mall to walk around. I need new flip-flops, and wanted to get a sugar scrub for my super dry legs. I was looking at the clearance racks at The Gap, when I ran into my former therapist. I haven’t seen her since Fall 2009, when I was pregnant with The Kid. At that time, I was pretty in control of things, was finally off antidepressants, and was just all around in a good place.
After we hugged, she asked, “How are you?” and I felt myself wanting to cry. It took me by surprise, and, thankfully, I didn’t let loose with the waterworks in public. I told her that motherhood has been a challenge, and that she was right when she advised me that marital satisfaction decreases with the birth of a child.
I walked away from her wondering why a simple “how are you?” affected me so much. I realized that it’s rare for anyone (aside from my Twitter pals) to ask me how I am. Folks always ask after The Kid, not me. Which is fine, and it’s probably what I do to other parents.
I have to be honest, folks — the past month has sucked. Here’s why:
1. I haven’t made any progress on my weight loss. None. Zero. It’s so frustrating, and it’s my own fault. I’ve been back in “fat girl” mode, not tracking as much, and eating whatever I want.
2. I rarely have time to myself. I’m almost always on Kid Duty. Which is, I know, my job considering I’m his mother, but I would like an occasional break that doesn’t involve grocery shopping or some sort of chore.
3. There has been a definite decrease in marital satisfaction in the past year or so. Don’t get me wrong — I love The Hubs. But because I’m always on Kid Duty, I get angry at him when he gets to leave the house, or play a gig that I can’t attend, whatever. I’ve been such a bitch to him lately, and I hate it.
Yeah, so there’s been a part of me that’s been wallowing. Not good. So, here’s some good stuff:
1. Even though I haven’t made any progress on the scale, I’ve been exercising. Even attempting to run. Yes, the girl who snarkily commented that she’d only run if she were being chased actually wants to learn how to run. I walk at least 3 miles several times per week. I’m actually tan for the first time in YEARS because I’m spending time outside.
2. I walked my first 5K last weekend. Seriously. I was slower than I would have liked (my ankles were killing me), but I finished! My next one is on August 27th, and I’m hoping to run at least part of it.
3. I’m lucky. Seriously. Despite my bitching about my life, I am very lucky. I have a job that I love. I have a home, food on the table, clothes, a car, a man who I love, and the best Kid in the world. I have everything that I ever wanted (aside from a book deal).
I have some (online) teaching to do, so I need to wrap this up. I promise — the next post will be full of sunshine and unicorns. No more wallowing!