The Funk

I’ve been in a funk since Saturday morning, and I just realized why.

At my Weight Watchers meeting, the topic was support systems.  We discussed several types of people who are in our lives, and how they affect our weight loss journey.  Eventually, the discussion lead to an example of a streotypical grandmother, who constantly asks us what we want to eat.  Most folks said that they would come up with strategies to avoid eating whatever was being pushed on them.

That’s where The Funk crept in.

I was silent during the discussion, and I was so uncomfortable that I wanted to leave.  If I’d been sitting in the back of the room, I would have.

I would give anything to walk into my grandmother’s house.  I’d give anything to have her ask me what I wanted to eat.  I’d give anything to see her again.

When I was growing up, my favorite place was my grandmother’s farm.  I loved wandering around the fields, eating fresh peas from the garden, helping her with chores, and especially eating anything she made.  Everything was made from scratch, mostly with things she’d grown herself.  I was eating local and organic before I knew what it was, and certainly before it was cool.

The farm was sold in 2002, and she died in 2003.  I miss her every day.  It breaks my heart that she’ll never meet my son.

Between my weight loss journey, and my diverticulitis, I’ve had to cut out a lot of the foods that remind me of my grandmother.  My favorite fruit is strawberries, but I have to be careful with them because of the seeds.  I used to eat them by the ton from my grandmother’s garden.  I’ve had to cut back on baked goods, ice cream, etc. because of Weight Watchers.  I’m losing many of the things that remind me of my grandmother.

Hence, The Funk.  I need to find a way to break out of it.

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About JessieB

Just a 30-something girl trying to figure it all out. I write about weight loss, books, motherhood, life, and whatever is on my mind.
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11 Responses to The Funk

  1. Maybe you can save such indulgences for special occasions when you celebrate your grandmother. I only make colcannon, a traditional Irish dish with mashed potatoes, butter, cream, cabbage and onions (and sometimes ham or bacon), as well as Pumpkin Pie, at Halloween time, which is a time that always brings those who have passed to the forefront of my mind. This (and admittedly, Mother’s Day) are the days I most often think of my father, who has been gone almost 10 years.

    My point being, colcannon and Pumpkin Pie remind me so much of my father that I save them for that special day, when I celebrate his life and what he meant to me. Maybe you can find a balance where you can do something similar for your grandmother.

    I totally understand the pain you feel about your grandmother not getting to be a part of your son’s life, or he a part of hers. The great mourning that I’ve done about my father since my children have been born has been been about that very fact – that he will always just be a concept and a photo to them rather than a real life person. They’ll never get to know the simple pleasure of holding his hand, or see his eyes brighten at the sight of them.

    Hang in there. The Funk will pass. Just hold on in case it’s a bumpy one.

    • Thanks, Colleen! I’m definitely trying to find balance in so many areas of my life. And I know there are ways I can honor her without eating a week’s worth of points in a day! 🙂

      I just never thought that I would mourn her this long, and that the pain would be so…fresh at times.

  2. Melissa says:

    I’m sorry over the loss of your grandmother. Ways to remember her, make a scrap book, write her a poem, write her story down to share with your son at a later time, grow some veggies in her honor. She will always live in your heart. Hugs

    • Thanks, Melissa! I’ve written a lot about her, and am trying to find ways of honoring her every day. I certainly do in my baking, and my gardening. I tell my son about her all the time, and I hope to take him to the farm someday if the current owner allows us to visit.

  3. Emily says:

    What about finding non-food things that remind you of her? Many of my family memories surround food, but things like the $1 theater, where my grandmother took my brother and I during our school vacations. Or any time I see the Mississippi River, where we spend every weekend during the summer boating, swimming and water skiing.

    Of course I remember her cooking, but there is always more to our loved ones than the great food they grew or made.

    • There aren’t many non-food memories, honestly. She only left the farm once a month to go grocery shopping in town (for things she didn’t grow/raise). Our days at the farm were spent gardening, harvesting, cooking, baking, etc. Everything revolved around food and preparing for winter. I think I’m going to honor her memory by passing on recipes, and living as simply as I can.

  4. Samantha says:

    I’m really sorry that you are feeling this. It’s so incredibly difficult when you have to let go of the things that hold that memory so clear in your head. I hope that you can cheer up soon!

  5. @amywestphal says:

    I can totally relate to the farm experience and the farm cooking. My mother’s mother was the same way. She was always making pickles, jams, fried chicken, etc. I would help her pick blackberries for jam. Those were sweet days that I will remember always. one of the things I do to honor my grandmother is sew. She sewed every outfir each of her 5 daughters ever wore. And now that I have my own daughter… I sew for her all the while thinking of my grandmother.

    I understand your funk. I’ve recently been there myself. I think you’ve taken a huge step in identifying what initiated your funk… And admiting it is the first step to recovery. Pull out a photo of your grandma…. Tell her how you feel and that you miss her. and find a healthy way to celebrate your memory of her. She’ll always live in your heart.

    Good luck pulling out of your funk. I know it can be overwhelming.

    • Thank you, Amy! I’ve noticed that since I had my son, I’ve missed my grandparents more. I’m more conscious of what I want to pass on to my son, too. I’m going to do my best to carry on certain traditions and honor my grandparents, and all that they passed on to me. Your grandmother sounds much like mine! I’m glad we can carry on these simple traditions.

  6. Maura says:

    I just found you and your blog through Twitter today…this post hit home for me, as I miss my Nana very much, every single day.

    Keep up your fight to lose weight, and use your grandmother for inspiration and support…because they’re never far!

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