The Funk

I’ve been in a funk all weekend.  It was a stressful week; not anything out of the ordinary, just life in general.  By the time the weekend arrived, I wanted to hand The Kid to my husband and have some time to myself.  Not being able to go to my Weight Watchers meeting yesterday was so frustrating.  I tried to be positive, but by the time the evening rolled around, I was in a funk.

We went to our friend’s Burns Supper (no photos, unfortunately) and had a good time hanging out with old friends.  This was the first year I’ve had a curfew, though, which put a damper on things.  The Kid isn’t ready for sleepovers, so we wanted to pick him up from the in-laws around 11pm.  We were among the first to leave the party.  When we came home, we watched SNL for a little bit.  I loved seeing Dana Carvey on there again!

Today, I woke up even deeper in The Funk.  I didn’t want to do anything: no exercise, no healthy breakfast, no showering, nothing.  I picked fights with my husband and made him miserable.  It wasn’t until 4pm or so when I took a shower that I realized my funk wasn’t helping me at all.  (Yes, I can be slow to realize things sometimes).  If I allowed myself to remain in the funk, nothing in my life would change.  I’d fail at Weight Watchers AGAIN, gain the weight back, not get healthy, make my husband unhappy, and my child would have to deal with a depressed mother.  I don’t want that to happen.  So, I made a plan.

One of my biggest exercise obstacles is The Kid.  He wants to crawl around me, hang on my leg, and generally get in my way while I exercise.  This is dangerous because I could step on him.  So, I decided to get up at 6am Monday through Friday so that my husband can watch The Kid if he wakes up.  I’ll exercise for at least 30 minutes (I do dvd’s), more if possible.  I’m not a morning person, but I’m going to try this for a few weeks to see if it works for me.

Also, I’m going back to the Wednesday morning WW meeting.  The leader is nice, and the members talk, which is more than I say about the Saturday morning meetings.  I can attend the meeting and then head off to campus for class, so it fits nicely into my schedule.

Hopefully, with those two changes, it will eliminate some frustration from my week and help keep me away from The Funk.  I’ve struggled with depression and (extremely) low self-esteem for years, and I’m trying to change that.  I used to take all sorts of anti-depressants, but I didn’t like the numbness that came along with them.  They work for some people, but not for me.  I so want to be a healthy, positive mother to my son.  And I want to, finally, love myself.  Because I’m pretty awesome and I deserve some love.